*Give or take a few/several/many weeks, months, and/or years.
You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you?
Let’s start with something that might take you a few weeks:
Today I did something that I’ve been mulling over doing for some time now. I finally deleted some pictures of my ex on my Instagram. Listen, I can hear how Millennial that sounded, and you’re probably rolling your eyes at how dumb and inconsequential that achievement is, but you know what, it’s also my blog so I’ll write about whatever the hell I damn well please.
Here’s the low down: I tried my hand at being friends with my ex, but characteristic of our relationship, there was some miscommunication about what that friendship entailed. He wanted to be with me later on in the future or at least try to get there, but I wasn’t sure about all that, so we parted ways. A week had gone by and my mind kept drifting to my Instagram which is covered in pictures of him (note to self: just don’t put pictures of any S.O. unless it’s my husband). When we had our first conversation post-split, he had voiced his fear that I was going to delete the pictures of him. At that time I had reassured him that I wouldn’t because at that point I wasn’t ready to let go of those pictures/him. Today, however, I decided I needed to move forward and discard those images of him that screamed: “We’re in a relationship!” I ended up keeping one picture of us in Chicago because it was a fun trip and a nice memory. The other selfies of us I threw out. As I did that, I knew I put in jeopardy whatever friendship we might have. I knew doing this would hurt him, but I needed to do this to move on.
In a moment of maturity and growth, I did something for myself and not for someone else. I’ve decided that I’m done making decisions based on what others will feel. It’s about time I do something that will make me happy. And you know what? Deleting those pictures did make me happy, and as much as that might hurt him (he did end up texting me about it and asking for a reason, which I gave WITHOUT APOLOGIZING) I don’t owe him anything, it’s my Instagram and I’m done having him plastered all over it when our relationship isn’t a part of my life anymore.
So a few weeks after our breakup, I can confidently say I’m over it and ready to move on.
Now onto something that will take many months probably:
I’ve started writing my book! I don’t think I’ve been this excited about a project in my life. However, even though I love it, writing a novel is no walk in the park. My first day of writing went off without a hitch. I had so many ideas and I was typing away. The next day when I read back what I wrote, I felt like I was reading the writing of a caveman. I mean, holy smokes, that was rough. For someone who spends all their time reading, HOW WAS THIS NOT EFFORTLESS?! Where was my eloquence? Where was the witty dialogue? Where were the beautiful descriptions of characters and places? Where was my voice?!?!?
Rather than getting discouraged by my underwhelming first draft, I chalked it up to experience. I said to myself “Tomorrow will be better.” You guys don’t understand how shocking that statement was to me. As someone who has always strived for perfection in the first go, saying that to myself was another huge step in self-growth. I’m finally okay with being less than perfect, with being awkward and amateur and green! AHHHHH I FEEL LIKE I’M BREATHING AGAIN! How stress-free is this feeling of not expecting masterpieces when I’ve only just picked up the pencil!
Which leads me to the final category: self-actualization.
This week I’ve seen a lot of personal growth. I’m beginning to see myself in a more positive, understanding, and kind light. Self-actualization may take you a lifetime or maybe you’re already there. I’m still working on it, but man I’m proud of myself this week. I’m proud of my growth, I’m proud of my work, I’m proud of my actions. I feel like people don’t say that to themselves nearly as much as they should. If you’re reading this, I’m proud of you too, even if all you feel like you did was turn in an assignment, or make dinner for someone, or take care of yourself mentally and/or physically. All of that is important. You are important. Love yourself and be yourself, you are the person you’re stuck with for a lifetime.